In this post, I’ll continue to reflect on the leadership patterns in management and parenting that consistently connect these two worlds. Whether you’re overseeing a team of 15 or wrangling two little rascals fighting over a Lego brick, the challenges you face are quite similar: nurturing growth in others while navigating uncertainty.
INTRO
Reflecting on my previous thoughts about connecting the experience as a parent with the one as a design manager, I’ve come to realize that the real insight lies not in the tools we use but in the leadership patterns that both Design Managers and parents apply daily—often by leading through example.
“If you don’t prioritise your life, someone else will.”
— Greg McKeown, Essentialism
Here are three patterns that consistently emerge in my dual roles:
The Deep Empathy Pattern: A Core Leadership Pattern in Management and Parenting
This isn’t just about being nice; it’s about strategic effectiveness.
- In Design Management: When a client/stakeholder or team member brings forth a request, your true value shines through in uncovering the underlying ‘why.’ The feature they ask for is merely the tip of the iceberg. Engaging in Discovery and practicing active listening are essential to address the root of the problem.
- In Parenting: A child crying over a cookie is typically not just about the cookie. It often stems from tiredness, hunger, a need for control, or attention. Reacting solely to the cookie misses the point. By acknowledging their feelings (“I understand you’re frustrated”), you can often defuse the situation effectively.
The Unifying Link: Empathy serves as our emotional troubleshooting tool. By understanding another person’s perspective, we can unlock the most efficient solutions.
For Further Reading: If you’re interested in mastering the art of Deep Listening, crucial for both empathy and negotiation, I highly recommend “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss.
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The Intelligent Delegation and Empowerment Pattern: Mastering Leadership Patterns in Management and Parenting
This can be the toughest pattern for perfectionists, and as designers, we often set perfection as our sole benchmark.
- In Design Management: I continually battle my instinct to take control. My job is to empower my teammates with the autonomy they need to fail, learn, and ultimately make their own choices. Accepting that their final product might not be my perfect solution is part of the growth process.
- In Parenting: Allowing your child to tie their own shoes (even if it takes five extra minutes and ends up a bit messy) or prepare their own snack (with crumbs everywhere) is essential. The focus isn’t on speed or perfection; it’s about building their self-esteem.
The Unifying Link: In both realms, fostering autonomy is worth way more than the initial cost of imperfection. Delegation isn’t about offloading; it’s about investing in growth.
For Further Reading: To delve into the significance of autonomy and intrinsic motivation, I can’t resist mentioning the classic “Drive” by Daniel H. Pink.
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The ‘Deciding What Not To Do’ Pattern (Strategic Prioritisation): Applying Leadership Patterns in Management and Parenting
To simplify my view of leadership, I’ve come to see it as the art of saying NO as a guiding principle.
- In Design Management: The team is always pressed for time and resources. My chief duty is to say NO to non-strategic features and projects that require high effort with low impact. It’s my job to safeguard my team’s energy for what truly matters, setting an example by maintaining those necessary boundaries.
- In Parenting: A child has limited resources (they need sleep, peace, and free play). I often have to turn down yet another extra-curricular activity or social commitment that encroaches on valuable downtime. I prioritise my family’s well-being to concentrate on the essentials.
The Unifying Link: Attention—both ours and that of our teams or families—is the most scarce resource. Effective leadership is all about directing that attention towards what truly matters.
For Further Reading: For clarity in strategic execution, “Essentialism” by Greg McKeown is a timeless read.
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Conclusion
To sum it all up? Supporting a team of designers is much like raising a child: you must provide them with the right foundation, the freedom to explore, and protection from what isn’t essential.
Authentic leadership revolves around building trust and nurturing growth—whether you’re working with talented designers or adventurous five-year-olds.